Saturday, March 15, 2014

Why I Cannot Be President

Though I appreciate the support I got when campaigning for Pope, and I am very glad to cede the position to Pope Francis, the first Pope I've enjoyed since John let us eat meat on Friday, I simply can't be President.  When I saw "we" in terms of eating meat, it's not that we were Catholic, but that Mrs. Deegan who cared for me in both senses of the word, was Catholic and so we ate fish on Fridays.
She prayed and prayed and I can't help feel that she prayed me Catholic so much that I couldn't help but marry a Catholic.

Anyhow, as much as I could have embraced the role of Pope, I don't feature myself as President and so I will have to respectfully decline those of you who were going to vogue for me as a write-in candidate.  I mean "vote," Autocorrect.

I simply don't have enough time or energy.  I hope Hillary does.  She went to Wellesley and was in the same class, "Hillary's Class," as my good friends Dee Dee and Nancy Wanderer.  They did a film on that class, the graduates of 1969, and interviewed Nancy.  I hope Hillary will have enough time, but she probably will because she isn't a grandmother yet.  If she were a grandmother, she'd definitely not have enough time so I suggest that Chelsea put it off until after the election.

If she were a grandmother, any day when she had nothing on the calendar, say meetings with Iraqi women or cutting the ribbon on a new Planned Parenthood office, the open day would fill with a grandchild. I know she could find a sort of uber-nanny, a presidential au pair, but it's what happens to the mind in the presence of grandkids, presidential and women's college educated or not.  I have three biological grand children and one step-grandchild.  In any of their presences my mind is taken over, it's like a good drug but a drug nonetheless.  In fact the word "nonetheless" is a perfect description of how I become in their midst.  I simply could not make an unbiased opinion in office. I would be talking to a head of state and the baby would be throwing peas onto the carpet or yanking at the curtains. Or, I would be asking the eleven year old what he thinks, since he seems to know everything. If not, he would show me how to access the answer on something electronic. So, I respectfully have to decline your nomination.

Then there is the issue of time.  I hope Hillary has more time than I do, and that she has a better system than my day-planner.  This year when I bought my Month-at-a-Glance, I got the cheaper version so there is no room for my notes in between months.   Believe me, that was a Mistake-at-a-Glance and I was too frugal balancing the domestic budget to toss it out and upgrade..  I know, I know, Hillary is probably digital.  If she has it all on her I-phone, I hope she is better than I am about not misplacing it.  Maybe she has one of those clap-on devices to locate it.  I would suggest.

Another suggestion.   Her hair has been a problem.  I looked to Georgia O'Keeffe long ago and decided when I was old or oldish, I would wear only black and white clothing with an accent of red, and have a white braid.  You have no idea how many perks the white braid has.  Subliminally there is the O'Keeffe thing going on.  I am pretty sure my braid became Poet Laureate of Santa Fe and I followed along.  If Hillary grew a white braid, she would be respected for embracing her age, her power, being so brave, and she wouldn't' have to deal with the collapse of hair volume she seems to be prey to.  It also cuts down on hair expenses which she can point out to the public, plus save time.  It is the school uniform of hairstyles and some people even think I am a native of somewhere besides Pittsburgh.

In terms of energy, I can't really make suggestions, I just know that I don't have enough.  And people are always suggesting various regimens for me which I confuse with regimes.  So for my regime/regimen there is walking, swimming, weights, exercise tubing, gluten-free, paleo diet which includes new cookbooks and grass-fed everything, plus a garden with a nod to locovorism and to follow in Michelle's footsteps.  I mean, it's daunting enough without having to redecorate the White House.

So, while I am sure Hillary is up to the task and I  will support her, I can't even begin.  The campaign itself would do me in.  I am busy writing down my dreams, avoiding too much sun, and doing crossword puzzles.  I hear Bill can do the NY Times in 15 minutes while I scratch my head and my way through the Monday and Tuesday puzzles in our paper.

Anyhow, I wish her well. And for my constituents, Let Them Eat Poetry.