Thursday, July 22, 2010

Other People's Eyes

"I am just inspired by you-all your life hanging in there as a poet and now Recognition! Its kind of cinderella-ish. You looked beautiful and sounded so strong and I loved your Poet Sign. It was really good to see Mike and your girls and Julie and Shaffer. It all made me happy and miss you all. Making any gaspacho yet? I planted seeds from the pumpkin you gave me from your garden and I have a beautiful pumpkin patch- a poet pumpkin patch." Mary Jo

That's why former neighbor had to say. I, of course, was doing my usual post-mortem on how i didn't do well enough, wore the wrong dress, and blasted the mic instead of getting intimate and strong. I am sure I will be heading to therapy before too long. B
But no! I think part of being in community is having the blessing of other's people's eyes. When I have had years of uninspired writing, I'll run into someone who sees me as a poet. To me, that is the prayer a community can be. To see the parts of us we can't even recognize in ourself. To hold us in that role, even if we're not in the mood.

Though I am totally happy and thrilled about life in the PL lane, it doesn't make my neurotic ways evaporate. This will be a practice in good enough. I am preparing for each event I do and will have to accept it as my best effort at that moment.

The pedicab sure was a blast the other night. Kathleen Mccloud is so into it she wants to donate her pencil, FUTURE, to the arts commission. I'm saying, after my tenure, please....and she has agreed.

People are stepping forward in the sweetest ways. Being happy for the joy of another is called "mudhita" in Buddhism. This gives me the opportunity to take in, not lose a bit of it, and remember to be happy for the success of others. They may be struggling with the "good enough" even when winning the lottery of their particular life. I do feel like I've won the lottery
and I see it as joy reflected in others.

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